I gave away all the expensive things I didn’t need
To people I don’t really care about

But I gave you that worthless box of stuff that reminded me of my dad
The most valuable things I owned

I threw my clothes in a Good Will bin on Grover St.
And two pairs of shoes, and a couple of belts for good measure

I watched the shirts catch wind and flutter out of the box like canvas sails pulling me to a new world

And I wondered the small, insignificant life they would lead; the grape juice stains and rose bush tears

And I always knew
That you would know

“I could stop you. I could call the cops. They could put you on watch. 5150”

“They won’t stop me, I’ll find a way”

“Why are you doing this? Are you depressed? Sad?”

“No. Just curious.”

“Curious of what?”

“Of what comes next.”

You saw in my starry eyes that I would never be stopped
My mind was set, my plans drawn, my gaze across the sea

I used to tell you I wanted to be an explorer and see things no one has ever seen

But you told me the world has already been conquered, and I should look to the stars and find heaven instead

So I’m looking for heaven

“What if you don’t find anything? What if this is it? Doesn’t that scare you?”

I got lost in the pages of script, and suddenly I realized I would miss it all; the foggy mornings, the burning noon, the breeze in the evening, my mom's face, my grandmother's hands.

And I answered,"What if... what if the Americas weren't there? What if the Ocean ended and swallowed wayward explorers? What if they never found anything? What if they never got home?"

You didn't speak again. You just held your eyes on the hardwood tile, hashed together like a brown oak gown; too scared to look at the sky and dream.

"Every great discovery starts out as a crazy idea in the crazy mind of a crazy dreamer who is so lost to such wonderful foolishness he begins to listen only to different 'what if's'. Like, what if the Ocean doesn't ever end? What if it just keeps going like aching stars begging for eyes to be beautiful for? What if we find a new home and new promises past the horizon? What if something amazing comes next?"

I looked at you; your deep mint leaf eyes that sang of early spring; your tumbleweed hair and all that mahogany; those silly steel dinosaur earrings; and I found another thing I would miss. But I was already too lost for you, and for this world

So I said my goodbyes and kissed you away

And set out for the horizon; for everything or nothing; for a new world or a broken promise